By Zecharia Parker
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First tagged by William Beattie
Customer tags: secrets, humor, wit, satire, fiction, weight loss, hunter s thompson, new fiction, bill bryson, diet, new comedy
Review & Description
SYNOPSIS- Tom Bradley emerges from the doldrums of obesity and enrolls in a revolutionary (seven-phase) weight-loss program developed by an enigmatic doctor at I.H.I (Incremental Health Improvement) wellness center. Suspicions bloom into full-blown paranoia as Tom becomes more and more invested in the precarious pyramidal-construct of the secretly developed system. Deeply conflicted and mesmerized by the cobweb of I.H.I’s luxurious-intrigue, he fearfully penetrates into the depths of the centers underbelly befriending a quixotic-geriatric who plots their frantic escape route. Secret service intelligence’s are not far behind as the two break rank and flee southbound to find a temporary safe haven. An unexpected turn of unfortunate-events leaves Tom questioning his sanity as he humorously ventures on a mystery-quest to find the ever illusive Dr. Octagon. Sensitive information surfaces, as the story’s plot unfolds, triggering Tom’s unavoidable metamorphosis into a deep thinking philanthropist. WARNING: “This story contains earth-shattering paranoiac episodes of sardonic-humor that may be unhealthy to stable minds.” - Zecharia Parker PREVIEW- There I was, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, starring at myself in the mirror and seeing reflections of everything I so detested. How could I allow myself to submerge into the pitfalls of degradation and the shallow doldrums of over-eating decadence? Five years have passed since the separation with my bi-polar, menacing wife, Linda. I was through with those long-winding, total-recall days of bitterness; that left me subjected to cheap cable television, dark rooms, and drive-thru fine dining. The years passed by painfully like a maddening-whirlwind of emotions mixed with surreal memories of pleasure and pain. Again, I looked at myself in a large vanity mirror hitched to the large oak-wood dresser in my room. What happened to the good old golden days? The time when I was still in my early twenties and I used to go to the gym, run a few miles on the treadmill and lift all the heavy weights. I was oozing back then with the self-esteem and vibrancy of an andro-morphed pro-athlete—marking my territory in the roughest gyms, fitness centers, and Y.M.C.A’S. Maybe I was a little bit over egotistical during that period, but I never remembered lying around the apartment moping about things I couldn’t change. I used to be more resolute than this. How exactly did I lose grasp of my proclivity for self-confidence? One thing I know for sure is that some things in my life need to change A.S.A.P. I felt that spark of insight start to trickle into some important part of my conscious brain. No, I didn’t need some quack artists’ snake oil, or a psychoanalyst-clone to write me out a prescription and send me into deeper depths of disparity. I sat down and began to analyze my situation with a little bit more self-honesty than I had previously done during similar rationalizing episodes. What you are about to read is my personal story of victory in the face of slight obesity and how a visitation with a quixotic-homeopath (Dr. Gardener) set off a chain of events that changed my life forever. Read more
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